It’s a good thing that “aloe vera juice in eyes” doesn’t immediately produce alarming Web search results that direct one to the nearest eye flushing station or poison control center. But if I go blind in my left eye, it’ll be all Mr. Mewington kitten’s fault.

A couple of weeks ago, Mewey decided to chew into the aloe plant that sat innocently upon one of the many high shelves in this house where Mewey isn’t supposed to be. As a result of this undue interaction, the plant, reportedly toxic to cats, was henceforth excommunicated; placed outside the French doors that lead out to my deck with a “Sorry, Mr. Aloe, you’ll probably die out there” farewell lament.

Then, a few days ago, when the weather turned most convincingly to winter, I decided to bring Ole Mr. Aloe, now quite droopy and glum, back inside to place him on a newly identified towering location out of kitten’s reach. I apologized again and gave Mr. Aloe a pep talk; encouraged him to warm up and see what he could muster to, etc.

Well, he did not rally. So… I got the bright idea of “harvesting aloe juice” into a jar for medicinal purposes, or whatever, assuming some future me even remembers that I did that. All of the juice immediately turned to red. (The forums say that’s oxidation or something.) Honestly, it looks like a jar of blood to me, which naturally makes me feel even worse for having sent Mr. Aloe to his death, though it was a noble death on behalf of a naive cat. And, of course, whilst engaged in the second to last leaf’s “goo extraction” into said jar, Mr. Aloe made his final mark on this world by squirting me in the eye from an unseen pinhole tear in his skin. I’m sure I deserved it. (And no, I’m not sure I would dare ever to slather red aloe juice on me, but I couldn’t just ruthlessly toss a once thriving plant that I had sent to its untimely demise into the trash.)

Meanwhile, all this time, there’s been a whole ‘nother plant, Aloe Jr., if you will, who has been blissfully unaware of these events. He was living in lower location yet somehow completely escaped Mewey’s attention and botheration. In homage to his patriarch, Aloe Jr. is now safely stowed atop the tower where Mr. Aloe had been placed for his convalescence. Let’s just hope Junior survives.